Today Maeve figured out how to blow bubbles in the swimming pool -- both thru her mouth and nose. This is very, very helpful in the not-swallowing and choking department while swimming. She also cried for the first time, not wanting to get out. Swim, swim, swim, tadpole.

She also put on her shoes for the first time by herself. Sure, sandals with two velcro straps, but they were correctly fastened and on the right feet!

How did we get here so fast?

she smells sweet
like those strawberries,
my sticky little miss.
paws upon me warm,
and browned
rosebud mouth ripe
to be kissed.

tooth number six showed up today. poor kid. really, two teeth in two days?

no wonder she's cranky.

it will be ever so good when there is no more illness in this house and the teeth settle down.

s'all i'm saying.

Well, Maeve hit the 18 month mark on Monday and promptly fell ill. It was like that...woke up from her second nap lethargic and flopsy and scared the crap out me. Hot, hot, too, so we traipsed off to the doc's and he dubbed "it" a virus, prolly wouldn't go gastrointestinal, who knows how the rest would manifest. Three hours later, she puked all over me. :) Classic, no? Anyhow, the fever lasted until late yesterday, the congestion kicked in in full swing yesterday, too. Today was a challenge, also, the wretched cough has kicked in, but I'm hoping tomorrow will bring her some relief.

( more updatey kidstuff behind here )

tomorrow! We'll be taking her for her first hair cut. Holy fu schnickens, where did that time go? So, I'll, over the next couple days, methinks, write down the milestones and brain dump about her here. In case you have no desire to read kidlet catch-up, I will kindly put it all behind...

( the cut )

The girl learned to jump this week, and I don't know who was prouder...me or she. She got air on Monday, while bouncing with Lila on Lila's bed, then was able to repeat it while grounded on Wednesday. So dern exciting.

The crazy talking all the time has begun, too. Oh my goodness, the words and sentences even, though they aren't that long, they are intentional. She has A LOT to say. I love it when she says, "darnit" and "goodness" after me. Heh.

She also generally molests the cat quite a bit, but tonight was so gentle and kind and loving to Cleo, I almost wept. The sweetness in her little mitt, as she actually *felt the fur while petting her. And her fingers are getting so long (as are her feet and toes...my feet & toes!).

Oh..man, I need to write, REALLY write about what's going on with her, before I forget it all.

Tomorrow may be the opportunity, N will be going off mid-day to work on building pantry cupboards for us, and to finishing our bathroom vanity. Writing and crochet will be my goals when Maeve sleeps manana.

You can't be suspicious of a tree, or accuse a bird or a squirrel of
subversion, or challenge the ideology of a violet.

Hal Borland, Sundial of the Seasons, 1964

Today's steps so far: 12,361 = 6.24 miles (yay for me!)

My mom-in-law visit is going just fine with Maeve really enjoying her Mimi to bits. They play well together. :) My MIL has been cooking up a storm, and everything has cheese and very little vege (halllloooo midwest cookin'), so N asked me today how much weight I thought we'd both gain this weekend. Heh. I'm craving raw broccoli right now. Tomorrow I'll cook up a bunch of greens and some cauliflower to balance out our cheese binge.

Good thing we're doing all the walking -- last night I actually ended up over 5 miles by the time I went to bed. I haven't been counting the early morning or late night steps so much, so it's kind of nice to think that there are MORE than what I'm tracking.

So, what else besides cheesefest today? Well, I scored some amazing yarn FREE from a friend of a friend. Really gorgeous wool, all good for felting, and all excellent quality and colors. No huge amts, but that's ok, because I'm just not up for large projects. I just want to fondle my new yarn for awhile. Then felt the hell out of it. Well, after making something, I suppose. :)

Also, because of having someone work in our yard this week (our friends' dad, who is a gardener, and visiting them for 6 months and needs work), we are both totally invigorated to get stuff done out there. Went to Green Thumb today and bought our veggies for the garden, plus some extra niceties and once home, went thru all our seeds to see what will get planted. I tossed some seeds in the soil along our fence*** -- delphinium, torch lily, baby's breath, red poppies, lupine -- and we shall see what comes up. The area has been recently rototilled, so the soil was totally primed. The seeds are not this season, but eh, that hasn't stopped me before. I also tossed some seeds -- yellow dwarf marigolds and thumbelina zinnias (multi) -- in a big pot on our porch that has a sad, small geranium in it, and I'm feeling hopeful about seeing some happy color there soon enough. Started digging out and cutting back stuff in the Buddha garden, things the guy missed, or just didn't understand that we needed. Is ok...when someone helps in the garden I am happy that they do the larger things, but I prefer to do the finessing.

Many packets of different sunflowers are now in our possession. I CANNOT WAIT to grow them. And corn. I am in the mood to grow tall things. And viney things -- mmmm, we got some lovely zucchini, and summer squash and lemon cukes. And japanese aubergines. And, of course, the heirloom tomatoes. Only 5 kinds this year, because N was somehow feeling a new restraint. Got his habaneros, and some shallots and chives for me. Tomorrow N will do some more soil prep, and we'll go to town a' plantin'. Then waterin', then waiting.

I feel giddy about having some garden back in order. And about growing our food again. Maeve was just stoked today to dig in the dirt and throw it, and pick things and smell them, and run around willy nilly just owning that space that is our backyard. I love watching this, and also knowing that we are all organic, so I don't have to worry about her being poisoned. Well, other than her eating certain plants, but I think we're pretty safe on that front, plus she's outgrowing that phase.

We still have purple bell peppers from last year that are producing again, and some rainbow chard that has been totally attacked by aphids. We bought ladybugs today and set them free on the chard. Hope they deal with those stupid aphids handily.

So, yeah. Full day. And did you get a load o' my mileage?! :) I should walk thru garden centers more often. Did a walk with the neighbor today and another with N tonight.

I'm thinking we'll prolly have some more cheese to go with our cheese tomorrow, so will make an effort to hit the 10k steps again. OH! and N and I are going to have a predinner drinks/appetizer date early tomorrow eve at a new fancy place called My Florist (wine bar etc.), so that should be some good clean fun for Sunday.

Tomorrow, also, I am going to try to write up a Maeve milestone entry. Also, for those who have been worried, it seems teh depression is shifting some, flowing out. I am continuing to try to nap at least once a day with Maeve and not stay up as late, and it seems to be helping. Is good. Tomorrow, I'll need to start in on finding a mamaz' helper from our neighborhood teen pool.

***If you're reading, Pixie, these plants will be right next to Wayne's placenta. Will be very colorful and happy there for the ol' saque du Wayne. And, I made sure that his area wasn't rototilled. :)

march 31: 6000 steps, 3.03 miles
april 2: 6842 steps, 3.45 miles
april 4: 9892 steps, 4.995 miles

n mentioned the other night that i look thinner. i think that the upper hip/lower back area where a muffin top could form has slimmed down. that's a benefit of walking that i haven't focused on, have just really been trying to work on upping the seratonin levels in my brain, and also having evening talk time with my partner.

let's see, what else do i know?

this.

when you are depressed, you think 10x as much, but write much less. i guess i should say "i" there, because that's what's true for me.

that said, i shall make more effort here, as i am working on getting some of the other things i need to tackle the chemical imbalances in me, and having a good personal writing habit will feed me too.

however, the sleep has been the most important thing.

Yesterday's steps: 4757 = 2.31 miles
Today's as of now: 5424 = 2.74 miles

Low numbers, to be sure, and both nights I didn't get our walk in. Went to Stitch n' Bitch last night and N started the walk before I got home, so I only caught up with him at the tail end... blah blah long story short, I had to take over unhappy Maeve once we arrived home and she was asleep in a few moments after diaper/clothing change.

Tonight we took Dirk out for his birthday treat -- dessert at Carrows, his choice, and Maeve was DONE by the time we got home. Naptimes are shifting with a vengeance, and she skipped the second one today, so she fell hard into dreamland tonight.

Anyhow, I want to get the numbers up, hopefully this weekend, and keep them up nearer (or over) to 10k.

Ok now back to a little work time for me. Want an early night tonight.

8179 steps = 4.13 miles.

Now, can I keep this up at my parents' this weekend? Not likely as there isn't a safe place to walk easily.

And, yannow, at my parents'.

(I, for some reason, keep hearing PacMan sounds inserted here. Odd.)

Anyhow, I started walking in earnest again. When we were in Hawai'i, I began to feel a yen for activity. All the sunshine, the beach, the bathingsuit bleck...and I just was able to feel my body a bit more again.

When we came back, my friend Trace was off work for a week, so we started going on daily walks that were vigorous enough and long enough to make me feel like I was doing something. Then, I fell off for a week or so, as I had no partner to make me want to go. In fact, that was the beginning of my spiral last October -- when Zulu died, not only did I stop walking because she wasn't around, but because I just couldn't bear to walk our routine because I missed her too much.

Anyhow, I digress. My friend Lorena visited last week, and got me back on the horse. We did at least an hour a day. Oh, and also, when we got back from Hawai'i, I got a wild hair and picked up a pedometer.

Now N and I are going on nightly walks, and I finally got the pedometer going 4 days ago. The first day I put it on at 5 p.m., and by bedtime I'd done 5787 steps, equaling 2.91 miles. Not bad, I guess. Day two was 10,640 steps (prolly a few more around bedtime that weren't counted), equaling 5.37 miles. Yesterday I flaked on putting on the pedometer, today, I was a little late in the morning, but as of right now, I'm at 8207 steps, equaling 4.14 miles.

This counting of steps satisfies the Virgo in me greatly, and also makes me competitive feeling with myself. An unusual, but not unhappy feeling. It seems to be a motivator.

So, it's not like I'm doing sit-ups or push-ups or *real* hardcore exercise, but I'm getting my heart rate up, I'm getting the kidlet and myself out, and in the evenings, it is a good time for N and I to catch-up and talk. We need that. And, bonus is, Maeve often falls asleep for the night on our walk. Yay, us.

So, I'll mark here my progression, and see how it goes. I am looking forward to the time where I think, "wow, I have a lot more energy!" Hee. Who knows what sort of inspiration I'll get as the year progresses.

And, I got another writing assignment today. Yippee!

Well, surgery today was postponed until the 24th, at 3 p.m. The doc's office called yesterday, asking if I'd be ok to do this, as someone had come in with a Very Serious Issue, that needed to be removed immediately. We gots the melanoma in our family, so I reckon this is just a little pay it forward and hope for the person who needed immediate surgery.

N will be able to cover Maeve on the 24th, and I have a couple more spots that should be biopsy'd, stat, so we'll do the biopsies this week, and we'll know if I need more stuff dug out on the 24th. Really, it seems this works out better.

And, it will give me some time to find some of the homeopathic items Ms. Streamsandpools recommended (thank you, dear!).

Lorena gets on a train today at 2:40. We walked up the the local bookstore that I love (Adventures for Kids) and picked up a couple books for our kidlets. Maeve will be exceedingly pleased to read an entire book full of monkeys doing monkey things. :) Lorena has been forcing me (unintentionally) to go on longer, more strenuous walks since she's been here, and the weather's turned all balmy and sweet, so this has been a really good thing for me, especially since I've had so little sleep lately and it reallllllly tanks my mood to be sleep-deprived.

Now, I HOPE to keep it up once she's gone. Need to find the support to make it happen.

dear Matthew.

May you be happy. May you be peaceful. May you be free of suffering. May you love and be loved.

then bed. nap didn't happen earlier, was too spinny in my head.

tonight, i did some searching on the intrawebs for the kidlet i birthed 24 years ago tomorrow. his adopted parents took him home two days later, and i've never, ever regretted the decision.

however, every so often, i like to see if he's out there, and now, finally, he's created an imprint of himself, in pixels and 1s and 0s. not much, but enough to know that he's off getting his degree (perhaps masters') in the northern regions of ca, has a private acct. on myspace, and that he has 18 friends on facebook. :) no pics that i can really see his face...i am so curious.

twenty-four years.

i wonder if he'll ever contact me. i toy with the idea of contacting his parents -- i can easily send them a note, just to tell them where i am (in case he wants to know) and to give them family medical history for him that would be helpful in an ongoing fashion. and then know that that is enough. because it would be. yet, so far, i have not done it.

every birthday, this comes up for me, and it passes. i don't know if i'll act upon it or not. he's a grown man now, albeit young enough. it's odd...my husband's birthday is 20 days after his -- and he is only 7 years old than my son. how's that for a wee mind-fuck? heh. ah well, i was young-young when it all happened. *shrug*

one thing that occurs to me is that i feel that he is happy. sure, normal ups and downs, but that he has a sense of grounding and contentment that comes from being raised in the right place by the right people. that he isn't drama-laden, and that he makes good enough choices for himself. that he's aware in all the right ways. i just...feel it. there's peace there...hard to explain.

i know i've run thru this here before, perhaps not in the same way, but it is a yearly theme, so forgive my repetition...but that's life, i guess, the going forward and the going back, and the trying on staying present.

We've survived pestilence (Maeve's first bout with the flu started last Saturday, lots of barfing for three days, then moved to a lower place, from which we are *just* recovering), sleep deprivations (see item number one) and a couple of deadlines (with one more to hit this week).

Now just started a Visit from my good pal, Lorena. Should be lovely, and she's also going to help with Maeve on Tuesday when I go in to have a basal cell skin cancer taken off my chest. I've found a couple more since the biopsy a couple weeks ago, same area -- the wide flat part of my chest (oh thank-you-baby-oil-as-sunscreen in my yout) so may just have the doc biopsy those areas, too, as long as he's digging out the other part. Hrmph.

Think fast healing, thoughts, willya? :)

So, I've been quiet, because, I just haven't had much more in me to write. I think* a lot, while nursing the baby, but haven't taken the computer in to type while lying down. *G* Not sure she'd go for that, anyhow, her ears are sharp, even in semi-sleep state. And she's a bit obsessed with Fatboy Slim's rendition of "The Joker" on YouTUbe (KITTIES! lots of them in the video), which came about as a slippery slope when she was sick. Ah well...

So, time change. Damn. Love the light, hate the adjustment.

Maybe I'll go nap now, I feel like this is a golden, stolen moment. Lorena's asleep, Maeve's asleep, N' at Trader Joe's shopping for us. I should be...CREATING! Writing! Doing YOGA! Instead, I'm damn tired. So, I'll toddle off in hopes of magical awakeness tonight for me and hopeful sleepness (early enough) for the baby so I can get some writing done then. Last night she went to sleep at !)...er, make that 10. TEN! was how I felt. Bedtime is 8, so wtf? Anyhow, fingers crossed.

Hi everyone. I miss you. Hi!

Why is it when you go on vacation, you work twice as hard before and after? Deadlines, laundry, catch-up...it is an odd phenomenon.

So, Hawai'i was wonderful. Pics to come.

Taught a crochet class today...how to read crochet charts. Doesn't sound too sexy, does it? However, it was very satisfying (all about pleasing the Virgo in me) and the students caught on really quickly. Yay for everyone.

Now on a crochet deadline -- a dozen cupcakes need to be done and shipped by Weds. I've got three bottoms done tonight, too tired to do any more. Goal is six more bottoms tomorrow, the full nine if possible. Then onto the tops, stuffing and beading six of them. Will be fun.

In there is choosing some topics for the next writing deadline. Looking forward to that, too. And, fingers crossed, I may get a writing assignment for my favorite crochet magazine (!). That, my friends, would be a lovely ven diagram of my creative endeavors. I'm hopeful.

What else? My god, my kid, she is growing and expanding (and expounding) like I've never seen. Prolly because I haven't raised a kid before. She's just leaving babyhood completely behind...all little girl toddler now. More on her when I'm not so done with the day.

N's now getting the last stuff done on our bathroom remodel! Hahahahahaha. Sorry. Can't believe it. He'll be making the floating cabinet tomorrow with a friend from work. Once that's installed with the sink, we can order the glass shower door and put up the decor and it will be DONE. I'll put money on June...how about you?

Ok, I should score some sleep. Maeve was pretty wakeful last night, and has a runny nose and is all drooly today. Not herself. I think the next batch of teeth are making themselves known. The four she has now are working nicely, luckily, just on food and toys.

Nighty!

now for crocheting and cleaning and organizing tomorrow (technically, today). my parents will arrive midday, that will help with the kidlet.

i'm feeling some relief...i lost my zen me in a blur of tiredness earlier this evening. just. so. damn. glad. to be done with the writing.

also figuring out what i can shove *off the plate for tomorrow to be done when we come home.

at least packing is done... though i should revise one more time and take some stuff out. feh.

now, to sleep as the small creature will be up in 6 hours or so.

thanks for all the alohas!

hee. it's unreal.

In less than 48 hours, we three will be lounging on a beach in Kahana.

Squeee. Oh, squeee!

Deadlines coming along nicely. Stress levels manageable right now. Breathing. :)

Funny little photo things happening today. My picture of the lake at Camp Mather at Strawberry Music Festival was picked up for Schmap and can be seen here.

And then the owner of the drum shop who sometimes teaches the class I have Maeve in told me today that we were on their web site's front door right here. M loves that tongue drum.

And for all of you who drive a lot (or even a little) this site could be quite helpful!

What else? Eh, going to pick up Dirk soon, and hoping that will give me a bit of time to write, though I expect not. S'okay, it will get done.