then bed. nap didn't happen earlier, was too spinny in my head.

tonight, i did some searching on the intrawebs for the kidlet i birthed 24 years ago tomorrow. his adopted parents took him home two days later, and i've never, ever regretted the decision.

however, every so often, i like to see if he's out there, and now, finally, he's created an imprint of himself, in pixels and 1s and 0s. not much, but enough to know that he's off getting his degree (perhaps masters') in the northern regions of ca, has a private acct. on myspace, and that he has 18 friends on facebook. :) no pics that i can really see his face...i am so curious.

twenty-four years.

i wonder if he'll ever contact me. i toy with the idea of contacting his parents -- i can easily send them a note, just to tell them where i am (in case he wants to know) and to give them family medical history for him that would be helpful in an ongoing fashion. and then know that that is enough. because it would be. yet, so far, i have not done it.

every birthday, this comes up for me, and it passes. i don't know if i'll act upon it or not. he's a grown man now, albeit young enough. it's odd...my husband's birthday is 20 days after his -- and he is only 7 years old than my son. how's that for a wee mind-fuck? heh. ah well, i was young-young when it all happened. *shrug*

one thing that occurs to me is that i feel that he is happy. sure, normal ups and downs, but that he has a sense of grounding and contentment that comes from being raised in the right place by the right people. that he isn't drama-laden, and that he makes good enough choices for himself. that he's aware in all the right ways. i just...feel it. there's peace there...hard to explain.

i know i've run thru this here before, perhaps not in the same way, but it is a yearly theme, so forgive my repetition...but that's life, i guess, the going forward and the going back, and the trying on staying present.